01-25-10
the reason we sing
A question was posed on twitter:
I don’t think Lane was being combative. I think he was simply asking why we do what we do. When tragedy strikes, why do we come together and sing? Why benefits? Why do we do something so beautiful when life, for some people, has changed drastically? Doesn’t it seem kind of….wrong?
I think singing as a result of disaster is a beautiful thing.
Any time something good comes out of something terrible is a reminder that beauty from ashes is possible.
This guy said it best: “It’s miraculous sometimes what comes out when life squeezes us.”
In disaster, in tragedy, some of us do nothing. Some of us become numb. Some of us feel helpless. Some of us focus on the negative and try to tear down anyone trying to do the right thing.
But some of us give money. Some of us go and help physically. Some of us watch telethons and hope to talk to a celebrity when we call to give money. We create and donate the proceeds. Some of us sing, and some of us pay money to go hear people sing. We desire use our talents for good. [And for the record - one of my talents = ministry shopping, as I got to do Saturday night for my church 
]
Giving, creating, singing, shopping – whatever the case may be – in times of crisis, some of us try to do our best to help in whatever way we can. I think that’s how it should be.
01-16-10
all the patience in the universe
He is constructing something beyond our human rationale. He knows in advance every piece – past, present, and future – that will be required for the finished work. He has all the patience in the universe to put it together. We see one little part and one little moment. He, the One who is, who was, and is to come, sees beyond the singular piece to every generation and condition He means to effect. Meanwhile, He works all things together for good for those who love Him and are called according to His purpose. The one thing may not be good at all by itself. In fact, it may be horrendous. Criminal. It’s when He weaves it with all that comes before it and all that will come around and behind it that something good, something beneficial, emerges.
- Beth Moore
01-08-10
waking up and right on time
As you can tell by my previous post, I’m a “resolution” person. Yes, I (*gasp!*) make New Years Resolutions. I’m not ashamed. It seems that so many people are anti-resolution these days, but I like to make goals. I like to write things out on paper [or on my blog] so I can see them. I am the list-making queen, just ask my mom. Side note: do any of you have a list of procedures to complete when you’re getting ready in the morning? No? Oh, right, me neither…moving on! I mean who does that!?
So, fresh. New Years, of course, is a fresh start. January 3 also marks the anniversary of my birth, so that’s another fresh start for me. I like it. The Type A in me would rather my birthday be on January 1 to make things all even and stuff, but it’s close enough. I’ll take it, because I usually love my birthday!
However. This year, I didn’t exactly celebrate my birthday. Instead I chose to have a pretty bad attitude. I can blame the lack of sleep the night before (I had visitors!) or the lack of healthy eating or even hormones, but the truth is, I mourned rather than celebrated. Oh, I had everything to celebrate: two NY friends cared enough about me to come visit, two other friends had a pancake breakfast in my honor (and in honor of their new griddle), I was surrounded all day by people who love me and wanted to celebrate me, it was Sunday so that meant birthday at church (and I love my church), not to mention the fact that I’m alive and Jesus loves me. But I was bummed. I wasn’t feeling it. I focused, instead, on everything I am “without.” I wrote this in my journal: “I can’t help but feel disappointed to be where I am today – sometimes life doesn’t turn out the way we hoped and dreamed, and today that’s hard to take.” (Ugh, so ungrateful!)
I came to school this week feeling completely worn out, having extreme difficulty concentrating on anything else but me, me, me. And then I read this:
“…I want to be someone else…I want to be someone who operates out of love and not fear of what someone will think or what the future will be if I don’t make it happen. I want to change from the inside out.” (Thanks, Rach…and perfect timing, Jesus)
I was feeling pretty disgusted with myself and how I didn’t choose joy on Sunday. So at first, I decided that I would make a list of who I want to be. Surely a list would help…and I would pray through the list too to make it super spiritual! Yeah!
But then I woke up at 3:30am on Tuesday morning after reading that blog post. After I got over being annoyed that I was awake, I began to pray about what God wants from me. And I realized – I can make all the lists I want, but when it comes to my character, lists will forever be inadequate. God wants more from me than my lists – he wants my heart. I’m learning that giving Him my heart is a choice to let Him infiltrate the parts of me that are still dark.
I did Beth Moore’s Esther study this summer and into the fall (because I’m a slacker it took me a long time). I highly recommend it. One of the things I took with me was from Romans 8:32, which says “He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all—how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things?” Beth adds, “all other gifts being not only immeasurably less than this Gift of gifts, but virtually included in it.”
And gah, I love that. I love that He draws me into Him, even in my absolute selfishness. Even when I believe the lie that my plans are better than His and begin to follow my own way, He guides me back to Him. He continually gives me a fresh start, a clean slate, and forgives me for my faithlessness.
So, instead of making my list about who I want to be, this year I’m going to stick with asking God who he wants me to be. The answer is immeasurably more than I can imagine.
(title song: from ‘waking up’ by onerepublic)
This post is part of Blog Carnival v2 hosted by my good friend Regina…for more posts on “Fresh,” head over to her blog.
01-03-10
thirty before thirty
today, i am 29.
therefore:
1. Run a 5k (spring), a 10k (summerish) and a ½ marathon (fall)
2. Mentor two women for at least six months
3. Read the whole Bible (aside from seminary reading)
4. Memorize thirty verses of scripture (aside from seminary memorization)
5. Do something completely out of character (in a good way)
6. Send birthday cards to 12 people (one/month)
7. Send one card per week to a friend
8. Serve or volunteer somewhere, even for just a day
9. Go see a play and try not to fall asleep
10. Go to five concerts of bands i LOVE
11. Go to one concert of a band I’ve never heard of (recommendations welcome)
12. Watch the sunrise
13. Compile the soundtrack of my life (so far)
14. Attend a sporting event and ENJOY it – i.e. get involved!
15. Visit New York, Houston, and a new city
16. Spend a whole day by myself
17. Spend a weekend in the mountains/at the lake
18. Sit on a beach somewhere for at least 3 days
19. Save $1000, just for fun
20. Make an anonymous monetary donation to a great cause
21. Blog once a week (at least)
22. Take a sewing class + make a pillow
23. Send a postcard to PostSecret
24. Plan a fun girls weekend/slumber party
25. Read a biography
26. Read five books based on friends’ recommendations
27. See all ten Academy Award nominees for Best Picture
28. Make it a habit to take my vitamins
29. Try three new foods (a super big deal for this picky eater)
30. Bake and decorate a cake
(for progress, see the link up at the top)
(also: thanks to jamie and regina for helping me come up with most of these!)
01-01-10
ghosts of new years past
My oldest friend told me the other day that I am a different person now. She means in a good way…different good, different because He made me a new creation. Different, because these days, I am becoming more and more comfortable with myself. Part of that, I think, comes with surrounding myself with people whose love for me is so unconditional. I am blown away by the depths of it. I am self-admittedly crazy, but they know it and embrace it. Encourage it even, because the Crazy is what helps me be, well…me. And it’s community, of course, but a continuation of the community I had in New York. God is building on that community here, and I never thought that was possible. I can barely wrap my mind around it.
************
I remember dates. I remember the day I left for China when we stayed for a while (Sept 5, 2004) and the day I moved to New York (June 15, 2006) and the day I left (June 1, 2009). I remember the day I started my current job (June 8, 2009). I remember lots of dates that I wish I wouldn’t remember, like my anniversary with my high school boyfriend (I mean who wants to remember that? But I can’t help it, I do…June 5,1998 if you were curious). I remember the day my mom, my sister and I moved out of my childhood home (March 7, 1998), officially beginning my parents’ separation and subsequent divorce. I remember the date of the car wreck we were in my junior year of high school (November 30, 1997…and for the record, it’s a miracle none of us were seriously hurt).
I say this because New Years Day makes me sentimental…i guess since I am a date person, a quantifier…I know I’ve said it before: anniversaries – dates, i guess – are important to me. i like to measure time that way. i like to measure growth that way. i love to look back at the last year or two and compare them to now. And I love to look back and see how far I have come…but more-so how far He has brought me, how He has lifted me from the pit of destruction (Psalm 40).
Six years ago, everything changed on New Year’s Eve. I was driving back from Charleston, South Carolina with tears streaming down my face. On the phone with my best friend. God shook us that day, pointed us to Him. Revealed that there was more. That there was a different story than the one we were currently living. And instead of ignoring Him like I had for several years, I listened. And everything changed.
*************
I felt sad last weekend. I said this to my mom before I realized what I was saying:
I guess it’s hard for me to be sad because i’m happy so often…sadness is a different feeling for me.
Last night I looked around and realized that none of it would have been possible had God not broken my heart six years ago. The life I now have is a direct result of that day. And I am grateful that out of ashes comes beauty, because my life is beautiful.
12-11-09
am i bright enough to shine in your spaces?
Oh, Christmas.
Over 5 years ago, something began to stir in my heart – This has to change.
I was left after a holiday season feeling empty and depressed and tired…just tired.
It wasn’t necessarily a one time revelation for me that Christmas needed to be something different than commercialism and materialism and busyness. Instead, it was a slow realization that I can only truly appreciate the birth of my Savior when I am giving more than I receive.
Giving more than I receive means something more than giving other people more expensive gifts than they got you, or giving people gifts when they got you nothing. It even means more throwing money in a bucket. I heard Donald Miller speak once and what he said resonated:
there is a difference between raising awareness [and money] & actually doing the work. Raising awareness and money is kindness without the messiness of humanity.
Not that raising money and awareness are bad – they are definitely great things and have their place in social justice. But they’re easy. And I want to do more….I want to see the messiness of humanity.
Four of my past five Christmases (is that even the plural? Christmi?) have been spent out of the country. If you want to keep the purpose of celebrating Christmas at the forefront of your mind, I highly recommend doing something like this. You don’t even have to leave the country – trust me, there are families in your city who don’t have toothbrushes.
I guess the purpose of this blog post, really, is two-fold:
1. It can be different. YOU can change things. You can’t save everyone, but you can help one person.
2. God has surrounded me with some freaking amazing people. People who want to change the world. People whose hearts break for orphans and widows, for those living in poverty, for those without basic needs. For example:
+ My friends from the Gallery Church are in Vietnam to share the gospel through the story of Christmas. My good friend and ex-roommate Rachel is going with (her first trip overseas!), and you can follow that story here.
+ My good friend and ex-roommate Susan is going to Moldova to hang out with and love on some orphans….Help her provide shoes for some orphans!
+ My sister (who would not like it if she knew I was writing about this, but I wanted to share how awesome I think she is) works at a middle school and there is one kid who has nothing. So she buys him clothes, school supplies, and brings him snacks every day. Somehow she got a copy of his Christmas list and he wanted a toothbrush and toothpaste. He’s in the 6th grade. He had to put toothbrush and toothpaste on his Christmas list. Of course she went ahead and bought it for him and gave it to him already, but he didn’t have a toothbrush and toothpaste (which brings me to tears every time I think about it).
+ My friends and I have recently become involved in a ministry called Front Porch Ministry. We adopted a family through their Family-to-Family program. They have the families in their area (inner city Nashville) sign up for the program by agreeing to volunteer for other events within the ministry. Then they pair the family with another family, a small group, a Sunday school class, etc. who wants to provide Christmas for them.
I LOVE the way they do it – first of all, they show the inner city family that nothing is free and we are not a government program…someone is paying for their gifts. And then they have to volunteer or serve in some way in order to receive the gifts for their children. Second, we have to become involved with the family in some way. We don’t just give money to the single mother to go shopping for her kids – we meet with her, get to know her, and take her shopping to pick out the gifts. This is good for everyone involved because it allows us to put names with faces and learn from each other.
+ Also, I love this site. Great idea!
(title song: from ‘all the right moves’ by onerepublic)
11-30-09
sometimes you gotta learn to love what’s good for you; or, my thoughts on New Moon
i saw new moon at midnight but didn’t feel like i could write about it until i saw it again, which i did on Thanksgiving.
seeing it at midnight was hilarious! not the movie, but the people. 95% of them (us?) were wearing twilight paraphernalia. they were discussing team edward vs. team jacob while sitting in line (yes, sitting).
women EVERYWHERE…i might have seen two dudes, total. supposedly there was someone even wearing a wolf costume. yes…a WOLF COSTUME.
we went to the Green Hills Regal, wherein 16 theatres were SOLD OUT. From what i heard, all of the theatres showing New Moon at Cool Springs and Opry Mills were sold out too. Insanity!
It was fun. I saw Twilight at midnight last year and it was a blast too, but not nearly as crazy as this year. I was embarrassed to be there so I wouldn’t let Rach take pictures, but I totally wish I had just gotten over myself and let her. (Sorry Rach! We can take pics in June! Even of my Edward shirt! Not that I was wearing one…and if i was, there is no proof!)
anyway, in case you were curious:
+ the giant painting was a great way to introduce the Volturi, and I thought it was well done.
+ Birthday party scene was lame and weird. And Jasper looks weird in the whole movie.
+Was it just me, or was the emotion between Edward and Bella just not there? Were we supposed to read it in their faces? Cause for me, the intensity was just not obvious. And, the kiss on her birthday? Was painful. And I don’t mean that as a compliment.
+ When Edward leaves her, he doesn’t take his CD. Why? BECAUSE HE NEVER GAVE HER ONE. His talent at the piano is part of what makes him who he is…I wish they hadn’t skipped that.
+ my VERY favorite part of New Moon (the book) is the pages which simply read OCTOBER…NOVEMBER…DECEMBER…JANUARY. It broke my heart in the book because of the obvious passage of time and how the months passed by blankly for Bella. And I was super impressed with how they did this in the movie. Beautiful. Broke my heart almost as much!
+ I cannot say this enough: I LOVE JACOB. I love him for Bella. I love him for me. I love him. i said this last year:
“i’m skeptical of jacob (taylor lautner). i want to love him the way i love jacob in the books. i don’t know if he can carry a whole movie.”
let me be the first to admit that i was WRONG. totally wrong. he was fantastic. dear taylor lautner, you carried the whole movie. thank you.
+ “it’s not a lifestyle choice, bella, i was born this way!” nothing else to say about that except it’s so funny.
+ “I’m not like a car you can fix up. I’m never gonna run right.” Heartbreaker.
+ The way Harry Clearwater’s heart attack was portrayed was pretty great.
+ the flashbacks to twilight were perfect.
+ Bella’s reaction to seeing Alice really killed me. KStew did a good job — she actually had tears in her eyes! Just knowing the emotion (from reading the book) behind her reaction made it hard for me to watch that part.
+ i really love the Volturi. The Italy scenes were fabulous. Even if some of them were written in just for the movie, I liked them anyway.
+ The part I liked the least in the book = human herding. GROSS. It wasn’t as scary in the movie as it seemed in the book, and I’m glad.
+ And this sums it up: (to Jacob) “Don’t make me choose. ‘Cause it’ll be him. It’s always been him.” Ahhhhhhh WHYYYYY??
can’t wait for eclipse. especially the sleeping bag scene. let the countdown begin!
11-26-09
all these places feel like home
grateful:
1. God…i know that seems trite, because everyone says they’re thankful for God, but it’s true. I’m so in love with Him!
2. my amazing, crazy, supportive, loving, helpful, wonderful family
3. my friends, both near and far…i don’t want to imagine where (or who) I’d be without you.
4. my job. i actually enjoy going to work daily – never thought i would say that!
5. school. i’m learning way more than i ever thought possible, and it’s so, SO good for me.
6. living in my hometown. never thought i would say that either, but there’s something comfortable about being here now and choosing to embrace it rather than resign myself.
7. good music that speaks to my soul (what i’ve been listening to lately, plus snow patrol and one republic on repeat!)
8. my church. we’re still in the ‘getting to know you’ phase, but so far, i like her.
9. i know i already said my family, but this year i am especially grateful that my mom is healthy.
10. New York City…I know, it’s weird that I can be grateful for being in Tennessee and for NYC at the same time, but I am. You can love in two places at once (roots and wings!)
11-25-09
it’s like we’re chasing all those stars
Well, I’ve failed again. Maybe next year I’ll actually be able to keep it up. Or MAYBE I’ll just pick another month and do NaBloPoMo. I mean, it doesn’t HAVE to be in November, right? How about “Every Day in May”? Hmmm, catchy. We’ll see if I remember.
Anyway, since I haven’t posted in a few days, I wanted to share some posts that have caught my attention this week:
Alison re-evaluates her perception of “home.”
Anne speaks beautifully about taking risks.
I pretty much love everything this guy writes. This is a good example.
(and, while we’re talking about it, you should free a child from poverty!)
I just like this blog in general.
Jamie left New York and moved back to the south…both of these posts pay tribute, complete with photo montages! And in true Jamie fashion, she puts it so well herself.
And, I’ll try to post the rest of the month. Key word: try.
Hope your [day before] Thanksgiving is fabulous!
(title song: from ‘secrets’ by onerepublic [their new album is fantastic])
11-20-09
everybody sing like it’s the last song you will ever sing
You knew it was coming…can’t! stop! listening! Volume VI. You can find Volumes 1-5 here:
Volume I – what matters most? everything that you feel while listening to every word i sing
Volume II – sing us a song and we’ll sing it back to you
Volume III – sing out, sing out, your voice is all you have
Volume IV – as i’m swimming through the stereo, i’m writing you a symphony of sound
Volume V – i was born to sing for you
And now, my Fall 2009 Playlist:
1. Noni’s Field, Anathallo
Still, I don’t know what goes on.
Will my thoughts burn in unseen patterns?
Form a dim glow in your mind,
Long after you remember who it was that I looked like?
2. Lost Year, Mutemath
Oh for a year we were strong and courageous
But we lost it somehow
Oh if there was something that could have saved us
We’d have found it by now
3. Let’s Go, Cartel
All we have is who we are
And all we know is pretending
You gotta think of something real
Save a life worth spending
4. Here With Me, Nevertheless
If I could sing out your name
Would you hear me, love?
And would you feel the same
If I said I need you here with me
5. Two Is Better Than One, Boys Like Girls ft Taylor Swift
You make it hard for breathing
‘Cause when I close my eyes and drift away
I think of you and everything’s okay
I’m finally now believing
6. Through Smoke, Needtobreathe
Who do you believe when you can’t get through
When everything you know seems so untrue
When I’m lost in a place that I thought I knew
Give me some way that I might find You
7. Misguided Ghosts, Paramore
Now I’m told that this is life
Pain is just a simple compromise
So we can we get what we want out of it
Someone care to classify
Broken hearts and twisted minds
So i can find someone to rely on
8. Brick By Boring Brick, Paramore (sorry, couldn’t pick just one! If you don’t have this album, get it asap!)
If it’s not real
You can’t hold it in your hand, you can’t feel it with your heart
And I won’t believe it
But if it’s true
You can see it with your eyes, oh even in the dark
And that’s where I want to be
9. Streamside, The Album Leaf
No lyrics. But it’s beautiful.
10. Vanilla Twilight, Owl City
The silence isn’t so bad
‘Til I look at my hands and feel sad
Cause the spaces between my fingers
Are right where yours fit perfectly
11. Resistance, Muse
Love is our resistance
They’ll keep us apart and they won’t to stop breaking us down
Hold me
Our lips must always be sealed
12. BONUS! Use Somebody, Paramore’s Kings of Leon cover:
(title song: from ‘born for this’ by paramore)