05-08-10
Praise in the Valleys; or, My Thoughts on Plan B
I received an advance copy of Plan B by Pete Wilson in exchange for a review on my blog (from booksneeze, which is so great, by the way…you should check it out [I'm looking at you and you]). I usually hate reading blogs when people give reviews, but I really wanted this book and I really wanted it early. Oh, and Pete’s my pastor. And I like him a lot. Um, and I’m impatient.
A couple of years ago I found myself constantly asking God why life wasn’t turning out the way I thought it should. Plan B is about just that – how to deal when things are seemingly falling apart. Pete’s not stating that God has a Plan B. He is making the point that, while God only has a Plan A, we as humans often get to Plan Z before we stop planning in general and learn to rely on Him.
My life was a cycle:
It wasn’t supposed to be this way. I had it all planned out. Graduate from college, get a job that paid me $40,000 a year with an awesome laptop and a company car, meet someone, get married, live happily ever after.
It wasn’t supposed to be this way. Move to New York, have a fabulous life a la Sex and the City and/or Felicity, get a fantastic and high paying job, help plant a church, make lots of new friends, meet someone, get married, and live happily ever after.
It wasn’t supposed to be this way. Move home from New York for the summer, get a part time job, move to California, go to grad school, get a degree in Biblical Counseling, start a new adventure. Oh, and meet someone, get married, and live happily ever after. Of course.
And even recently: It wasn’t supposed to be this way. Start dating in March, engaged by December, get married next summer, and live happily ever after.
That’s not the case. Honestly, it’s not even close. [Sometimes you have to walk away from what's 'good' to pursue what's 'best'].
This book and sermon series couldn’t have come at a more perfect time for me. Something Pete said on Sunday kind of slapped me in the face (he does that sometimes):
The reason you are so broken is because you gave your love and devotion to your plans and dreams instead of to God.
There’s that word again– broken. Brokenness = in need of rescue. In need of someone to sew our hearts back together. We need healing, and we need a healer. I’ve written about this before…and I talk about this rather often. (One day I might write a book about it!)
How many times was I going to plan something my way only to realize it wasn’t going to go my way?
How many times was I going to look at my circumstances and say, “it wasn’t supposed to be this way”?
How long before I realize that I am broken, I am not in control, and Jesus is my everything?
In his book Everything Belongs, Richard Rohr says:
I believe that faith might be precisely that ability to trust the river, to trust the flow and the lover. It is a process that we don’t have to change, coerce, or improve. We need to allow it to flow. That takes immense confidence in God, especially when we’re hurting.
Especially when we’re hurting…yes. Learning that now, this very week. This very moment, even, as I prepare to go help clean out homes of those who have lost everything in the Nashville flood. We were not made to live on the mountaintop, but praise in the valleys.
The end of Plan B says it well:
…trust that one day faith will win over doubt, that light will win over darkness, that love will win over hate, and that all things will one day be redeemed. I’m asking you, right in the middle of your Plan B pain [your plan B, NOT God's], to trust the process that is going on in your life. It won’t be finished for a while, but it has begun. God will finish what he started.
Pete’s book is awesome, and I highly recommend. Especially if you like books that slap you across the face. You should also download the sermon series “Shattered Dreams” that goes along with the book:
01-25-10
the reason we sing
A question was posed on twitter:
I don’t think Lane was being combative. I think he was simply asking why we do what we do. When tragedy strikes, why do we come together and sing? Why benefits? Why do we do something so beautiful when life, for some people, has changed drastically? Doesn’t it seem kind of….wrong?
I think singing as a result of disaster is a beautiful thing.
Any time something good comes out of something terrible is a reminder that beauty from ashes is possible.
This guy said it best: “It’s miraculous sometimes what comes out when life squeezes us.”
In disaster, in tragedy, some of us do nothing. Some of us become numb. Some of us feel helpless. Some of us focus on the negative and try to tear down anyone trying to do the right thing.
But some of us give money. Some of us go and help physically. Some of us watch telethons and hope to talk to a celebrity when we call to give money. We create and donate the proceeds. Some of us sing, and some of us pay money to go hear people sing. We desire use our talents for good. [And for the record - one of my talents = ministry shopping, as I got to do Saturday night for my church 
]
Giving, creating, singing, shopping – whatever the case may be – in times of crisis, some of us try to do our best to help in whatever way we can. I think that’s how it should be.
11-26-09
all these places feel like home
grateful:
1. God…i know that seems trite, because everyone says they’re thankful for God, but it’s true. I’m so in love with Him!
2. my amazing, crazy, supportive, loving, helpful, wonderful family
3. my friends, both near and far…i don’t want to imagine where (or who) I’d be without you.
4. my job. i actually enjoy going to work daily – never thought i would say that!
5. school. i’m learning way more than i ever thought possible, and it’s so, SO good for me.
6. living in my hometown. never thought i would say that either, but there’s something comfortable about being here now and choosing to embrace it rather than resign myself.
7. good music that speaks to my soul (what i’ve been listening to lately, plus snow patrol and one republic on repeat!)
8. my church. we’re still in the ‘getting to know you’ phase, but so far, i like her.
9. i know i already said my family, but this year i am especially grateful that my mom is healthy.
10. New York City…I know, it’s weird that I can be grateful for being in Tennessee and for NYC at the same time, but I am. You can love in two places at once (roots and wings!)
11-09-09
cause grace looks back before it starts to leave
home is where the heart is. or where your mom is. i’ve heard it both ways. we’ve over-simplified it, in my opinion. wikipedia says it’s a place of residence OR of refuge and comfort. that OR is important, i think. my favorite (and probably the most accurate) quote about home is from garden state:
You know that point in your life when you realize that the house that you grew up in isn’t really your home anymore? All of the sudden even though you have some place where you can put your stuff that idea of home is gone… It’s like you get homesick for a place that doesn’t exist. I mean it’s like this rite of passage, you know. You won’t have this feeling again until you create a new idea of home for yourself, you know, for your kids, for the family you start, it’s like a cycle or something. I miss the idea of it. Maybe that’s all family really is. A group of people who miss the same imaginary place.
i’ve often said that i walked away from new york with two big life lessons (amongst so many small ones): 1. The local church is important, and 2. Community is absolutely vital. Sometimes, like for me in New York, local church=community. However, in Tennessee that’s not necessarily the case and that’s okay too.
My community in new york was made up of people who looked out for each other. we included each other, offered support, sat in the front row, cried together, encouraged, confessed, fought, apologized, learned, LOVED. it was tough to leave and for a few months i woke up debating if i made the right decision.
Tennessee just seemed liked it was going to be comfortable until i actually got here. in reality, everything had changed – life doesn’t stop just because one moves away for 3 years. everything is new: my job, my church, even some friends. i thought my life here would look much like it did 3 years ago but it is vastly different. however, when i say different i don’t mean different bad, i mean different good. God has put some of the most amazing people in my path over the last 5 months. He’s beginning to shape my community and it’s not the people i thought it would be. He is stretching me and growing me and i just didn’t think it could be this good.
home has a different meaning for me now than it did five years ago. it’s a fluid concept, not a location or a residence or one certain thing that you can wrap up nicely in a sentence. it’s people. it’s community. it’s Church in the global sense. it’s sitting around a table and sharing your life with someone. it’s celebrating birthdays, graduations, and holidays. it’s family, both blood-related and not. home can be anywhere, and it can be in more than one place.
(title song: from ‘no one really wins’ by copeland)
i asked some fellow bloggers to write about their concept of home, so click on these links to read more!
10-23-09
Blog Carnival (is that what it’s called? it is now!)
I just sent this email out, but in case I missed anyone who might want to participate, here ya go:
Hello [blogging] friends! I don’t know if you know this, but November is National Blog Posting Month, where you commit to posting once a day for a whole month. I’m pretty sure you can do this any month, but most bloggers I know do it in November. I attempted it last year (and failed) but i found that it was really good for me to write every day…soul-healing, even. Being the planner that I am, I have been trying to come up with great blog topics to write about, and I had this idea….
Over coffee one afternoon, Jamie and I had an idea to collectively write a book. Though this hasn’t come into fruition (yet!), we realized how many people we know who are fantastic writers. And today I had the idea that we could start sort of small…as in, one blog post, one day, all writing about the same thing.
Consider this email your official invitation to join us in writing about home. Interpret that however you want, say whatever you want…there are pretty much no limits to this. There are a few guidelines, because I need them and maybe you do too.
Guidelines:
1. Let me know if you’re going to join us by November 2. Just shoot me or Jamie an email so we have an idea of who’s in.
2. Each of our posts will go up November 9. That’s a Monday, a little over 2 weeks from today.
3. Within the posts (like at the bottom) we will link to each other. I will send you all an email with everyone’s blog so you can easily include it in your post.
4. If you commit but something comes up and you can’t write it, please let me know so I can take your blog off the list.
5. If you want to forward this email to other people, please feel free. I think it will be way fun to have more people who will offer perspective!
email me: spencertheduck AT gmail.com
or comment if you wanna join!
06-30-09
and I will bring praise
i get the question a lot these days: what church do you attend in Tennessee?
i have no good answer.
the truth is—well, i’ve been to several.
but what is church, exactly?
a giant production?
a building you can see for blocks?
a tradition?
me?
yes.
i am the church
and nothing speaks to this heart more
than two of my [former?] pastors
sitting down with me at dinner
[because here there are no barriers between the pulpit and the congregation]
asking: how’s your day? what’s the problem? how can i address it?
and not just asking.
but listening. REALLY listening.
04-19-09
marching left, right, left, another step, keep smiling as you go….
“We are part of such a restless generation. Always moving, going, seeking then finding, and choosing to seek more. We are not a generation of finding roots in one place.
Because we find roots in every place.
To be moved is to be grounded. It seems like a strange paradox and there are definitely some people who abuse this freedom in order to run. The true movers in this generation don’t run. They constantly seek the will of God and beg to be used wherever they are. On the other hand, runners constantly seek a will of their own and use God when necessary. But a mover waits on God. The mover allows their life to bear fruit always.
And leaving never means running.
It means obedience, or searching to find, or chasing the trail that the feet in front of you left behind. It involves adventure, but mostly change. They do not see life as something to defend or be ashamed of. So they welcome change. And this change usually takes place from the inside-out. As the mover becomes more aware of who lives inside of them, change happens.”
It is only now, a little over a year later, that I can truly appreciate these words. I can fully understand what they mean for my life. God has used them before to change my perspective, to inspire me…but now, He is using them to penetrate my soul. To speak to the depths of my heart.
I’m leaving New York.
It feels weird to type those words. They don’t seem real, maybe because I’ve said them before without meaning them. Or at least not way I mean them now. I’ve said them out of disappointment, anger, fear of failure, out of loneliness. But now I’m saying them from a place of obedience, trust, security, and love.
This feels different. Maybe it’s because I’m not running, I’m being moved. I’m willing to take with me everything that I am right now so that I’m not running away from anything, rather toward something. I don’t believe that by moving my life will all of the sudden be exactly what I thought it would be. It will be different, yes, but not better. A change.
I don’t have a lot of answers, and quite honestly I’m not searching for them. I’m learning that “I don’t know” is perfectly acceptable.
I’m leaving New York. I’m moving back to Tennessee for a while. It’s good.
“So, this is my life. And I want you to know that I am both happy and sad and I’m still trying to figure out how that could be.”
- The Perks of Being a Wallflower
11-05-08
a perfect brand new day…and we’re the next in line
i was woken up at 12:30 AM by people yelling and horns blowing on the street below my window. in my sleepy stupor i could only make out the words “Obama” and “President” and that’s how i learned who won the presidential election. i loved it.
i said yesterday that i’m not writing about politics, and i’m still not going to…but these other people did, so i think you should check them out. don’t worry, most of them aren’t super political, they just worded their thoughts better than i can:
Brian talks about poverty vs. laziness. To him, “poverty has a face and a name.”
Pete reminds us that “today is a new day…a new era.” Let’s (let US) join together and pray for our new leader.
Jennie from She Likes Purple puts it so well when she says, “I hope we all choose belief and faith over fear, and I hope we celebrate our differences instead of continuing to let them divide and define us.”
Anne has five things we should do, since we shouldn’t “rely on Obama to guide this country into the future.”
and finally, Leah congratulates America on being “all growed up.”
EDIT 11/6
TWO MORE:
This one by Heather B. made me cry.
So did this one…YES WE CAN.
10-09-08
it’s the small things
1. eating lunch outside – in high school we sat on the sidewalks, in college we moved up to tables outside of restaurants, and here i head to bryant park when i can. there’s something to be said about drinking diet coke with my eyes closed and feeling the sun beating down on my [sunscreened] face. it’s a moment of peace, where my phone is on silent and i’m not attached to a computer so i can simply just be.
(photo of times square by brett gullborg; ironically, i don’t have any photos of times square)
3. quality time with any combination of roommates – when you live with 4 girls it’s both rare to have time with only one or time with all five. i intentionally try to spend time with each of them and cultivate a friendship that is one-on-one. also, on the rare occasion that all five of us are home, i walk away from the conversations feeling refreshed and encouraged.
before our impromptu trip to jersey–target + p.f. changs = bliss
4. airports and airplanes – i love the anticipation of sitting in the airport, knowing you’re going somewhere different even if only for a few days. i love that airplanes have been such a constant in my life for the last 4 years. i love sitting on the plane and having those 2, 3, 4 (sometimes more!) uninterrupted hours where i can listen to music and pour my heart out on paper. i love landing safely and knowing it’s only going to a few minutes until i get to see someone i know and love. 
this is what i do on planes: write, listen, and take photos when i get bored
6. dinner with old friends – sitting across from people who have known me forever, people who have watched me grow up and become. listening to their stories and realizing that the very core of us never changes [and in most cases that’s a good thing]. knowing that after all these years i can still trust them. loving them for who they were and for who they are, and knowing they feel the same about me. belly laughing with them at things only we understand. realizing that we are all so different that if we met now we probably wouldn’t become friends, but grateful for the circumstances that brought us together so many years ago.
7. surprises – i get this from my dad – he loves to surprise people. he shows his love by giving gifts, especially to my sister and me, and he will go to great lengths to find the best gift he can to surprise us – one day i’ll write about the car i got when i was 14! this past weekend my sister and i gave our dad the best surprise ever. we conspired to fly me down for his birthday, and when she took him out to eat i showed up at the restaurant. the look on his face when i walked in and he realized what we’d done is one i will never forget! the trip only lasted two days, but knowing we made my dad feel loved and important is something that will last forever.
birthday dinner!
9. porches – i grew up spending Sundays at my grandparents’ house on their farm. after dinner all of the adults escaped to the porch to sit in rocking chairs and continue their conversation. they always seems relaxed and young and carefree, a contrast to the busy weeks they all had. to this day, porches are one of my favorite things ever. drinking a cup of coffee on the porch in the morning with nothing but my Bible, a journal, and a pen, or in the evening equipped with good friends and great conversation (and bug spray), sitting on the porch is just good for my heart.
10. getting mail (not bills but the fun kind) – there’s nothing quite like getting home after my 45 minute commute and wearily walking up the stairs, through the door, and into the kitchen and seeing a letter or card or package addressed to me! knowing that someone took the time to write something or put a package together, address it, and go to the post office or mailbox so that i can have something tangible to read or enjoy makes me happy.
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this quote hung on my wall during college and now is taped to my shelves at work:
So, all three commenters of mine – what little things make you happy?
09-29-08
great moments
