01-25-10
the reason we sing
A question was posed on twitter:
I don’t think Lane was being combative. I think he was simply asking why we do what we do. When tragedy strikes, why do we come together and sing? Why benefits? Why do we do something so beautiful when life, for some people, has changed drastically? Doesn’t it seem kind of….wrong?
I think singing as a result of disaster is a beautiful thing.
Any time something good comes out of something terrible is a reminder that beauty from ashes is possible.
This guy said it best: “It’s miraculous sometimes what comes out when life squeezes us.”
In disaster, in tragedy, some of us do nothing. Some of us become numb. Some of us feel helpless. Some of us focus on the negative and try to tear down anyone trying to do the right thing.
But some of us give money. Some of us go and help physically. Some of us watch telethons and hope to talk to a celebrity when we call to give money. We create and donate the proceeds. Some of us sing, and some of us pay money to go hear people sing. We desire use our talents for good. [And for the record - one of my talents = ministry shopping, as I got to do Saturday night for my church 
]
Giving, creating, singing, shopping – whatever the case may be – in times of crisis, some of us try to do our best to help in whatever way we can. I think that’s how it should be.
01-08-10
waking up and right on time
As you can tell by my previous post, I’m a “resolution” person. Yes, I (*gasp!*) make New Years Resolutions. I’m not ashamed. It seems that so many people are anti-resolution these days, but I like to make goals. I like to write things out on paper [or on my blog] so I can see them. I am the list-making queen, just ask my mom. Side note: do any of you have a list of procedures to complete when you’re getting ready in the morning? No? Oh, right, me neither…moving on! I mean who does that!?
So, fresh. New Years, of course, is a fresh start. January 3 also marks the anniversary of my birth, so that’s another fresh start for me. I like it. The Type A in me would rather my birthday be on January 1 to make things all even and stuff, but it’s close enough. I’ll take it, because I usually love my birthday!
However. This year, I didn’t exactly celebrate my birthday. Instead I chose to have a pretty bad attitude. I can blame the lack of sleep the night before (I had visitors!) or the lack of healthy eating or even hormones, but the truth is, I mourned rather than celebrated. Oh, I had everything to celebrate: two NY friends cared enough about me to come visit, two other friends had a pancake breakfast in my honor (and in honor of their new griddle), I was surrounded all day by people who love me and wanted to celebrate me, it was Sunday so that meant birthday at church (and I love my church), not to mention the fact that I’m alive and Jesus loves me. But I was bummed. I wasn’t feeling it. I focused, instead, on everything I am “without.” I wrote this in my journal: “I can’t help but feel disappointed to be where I am today – sometimes life doesn’t turn out the way we hoped and dreamed, and today that’s hard to take.” (Ugh, so ungrateful!)
I came to school this week feeling completely worn out, having extreme difficulty concentrating on anything else but me, me, me. And then I read this:
“…I want to be someone else…I want to be someone who operates out of love and not fear of what someone will think or what the future will be if I don’t make it happen. I want to change from the inside out.” (Thanks, Rach…and perfect timing, Jesus)
I was feeling pretty disgusted with myself and how I didn’t choose joy on Sunday. So at first, I decided that I would make a list of who I want to be. Surely a list would help…and I would pray through the list too to make it super spiritual! Yeah!
But then I woke up at 3:30am on Tuesday morning after reading that blog post. After I got over being annoyed that I was awake, I began to pray about what God wants from me. And I realized – I can make all the lists I want, but when it comes to my character, lists will forever be inadequate. God wants more from me than my lists – he wants my heart. I’m learning that giving Him my heart is a choice to let Him infiltrate the parts of me that are still dark.
I did Beth Moore’s Esther study this summer and into the fall (because I’m a slacker it took me a long time). I highly recommend it. One of the things I took with me was from Romans 8:32, which says “He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all—how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things?” Beth adds, “all other gifts being not only immeasurably less than this Gift of gifts, but virtually included in it.”
And gah, I love that. I love that He draws me into Him, even in my absolute selfishness. Even when I believe the lie that my plans are better than His and begin to follow my own way, He guides me back to Him. He continually gives me a fresh start, a clean slate, and forgives me for my faithlessness.
So, instead of making my list about who I want to be, this year I’m going to stick with asking God who he wants me to be. The answer is immeasurably more than I can imagine.
(title song: from ‘waking up’ by onerepublic)
This post is part of Blog Carnival v2 hosted by my good friend Regina…for more posts on “Fresh,” head over to her blog.
11-10-09
when we get home i know we wont be home at all
I love words. I love the way people use them differently to say the same thing. I love how we try to express the mess in our hearts with words that aren’t enough but just have to be adequate. I love that words make up stories and that through those stories we must learn to love, accept, challenge, and encourage one another.
A few weeks ago Jamie and I had the idea that we’d do a blog carnival. And, honestly, I’m blown away at the response. 25 absolutely incredible bloggers participated and shared their hearts on home. I gave no boundaries as to what they could write about, but as i read through entry after entry i picked out a line or two that stuck out to me. I copied them all into my blog admin page so that i could quote from every single one, and as read through them all i realized something:
we just wrote a story. collectively. we don’t all know each other; some of us have never even met. however, we are intricately woven together as part of a Bigger story.
so this is what i did with it.
enjoy.
When you think about it, “Where are you from?” is asking so much more than to simply name a city. Where I am from isn’t as important as where I am going. Home is not defined by geography, and neither am I. It is not a geography of latitudes and longitudes. It is not just a bloodline or a shared surname. Home is where you ache from the violence of separation, however temporary or eternal that separation might be. Home is where I’m good at being [myself]. Growing up i was a participant in the home my parents had built… now i’m leading and defining my own version of home. My roots are there, but my heart is here.
It’s a place where you should always feel loved. there is ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS love. and that, right there in the middle of it, that is home. home is spending time in community. home is hope for what is ahead. Home…is where I learned that I could be myself (however crazy that may be) and still be loved just the same (and maybe just a little bit more). I feel like myself here. This is my home. For now. It’s relying on best friends who help keep me sane. it’s typically busy, it’s frequently crazy, it’s where i live. it is everything i love.
So in the meantime, i will fight to find meaning and a sense of belonging in each moment, each place. Home has a different meaning for me now than it did five years ago. It’s sitting around a table and sharing your life with someone. The table is just a device that draws us close. And yet it’s this coming together that makes home.
I’m really excited at the possibility that God could revolutionize my relationships with those people by revolutionizing my relationship with Him. I’m on a mission to know God and make Him known and sometimes that means I have to be a little embarrassed/uncomfortable/faithful/committed. We are all too often blinded to the reality of eternity. In our blindness we seek to construct, create or cultivate the most comfortable earthly homes and wonder when are hearts seem so restless. Isn’t home where we ought to be able to rest? Yet in the most wonderful homes there is a lingering homesickness for another place. It is Christ who remains. That is home. That is what we were made for.
I’ve been to these places and loved the people who live there now, yet not one location has been able to fill the empty spot I have reserved in my heart for a permanent “home.” The place that is so different from what I’ve always known, yet so comfortable and, somehow, familiar. This world is too large to live in one place for forever. whether it’s short- or long-term, i know i have somewhere else to discover someday. My fear is that one day I will meet someone that won’t know this part of me. They will not know that this experience has shaped me into who God is asking me to be. I have been challenged to go beyond so many comfort levels that I would have never thought possible; all the while learning that I can, in fact, appreciate the beauty in differences.
I love to write about home, but I also knew that it would come on the end of me leaving a place that I thought would become my permanent home. And when, in two weeks, I pack up my last suitcase and turn in my keys and hail a cab, I’ll be moving home, and leaving home, and going home, and missing home, all at the same time.
(title song: from ‘franklin’ by paramore)
11-09-09
cause grace looks back before it starts to leave
home is where the heart is. or where your mom is. i’ve heard it both ways. we’ve over-simplified it, in my opinion. wikipedia says it’s a place of residence OR of refuge and comfort. that OR is important, i think. my favorite (and probably the most accurate) quote about home is from garden state:
You know that point in your life when you realize that the house that you grew up in isn’t really your home anymore? All of the sudden even though you have some place where you can put your stuff that idea of home is gone… It’s like you get homesick for a place that doesn’t exist. I mean it’s like this rite of passage, you know. You won’t have this feeling again until you create a new idea of home for yourself, you know, for your kids, for the family you start, it’s like a cycle or something. I miss the idea of it. Maybe that’s all family really is. A group of people who miss the same imaginary place.
i’ve often said that i walked away from new york with two big life lessons (amongst so many small ones): 1. The local church is important, and 2. Community is absolutely vital. Sometimes, like for me in New York, local church=community. However, in Tennessee that’s not necessarily the case and that’s okay too.
My community in new york was made up of people who looked out for each other. we included each other, offered support, sat in the front row, cried together, encouraged, confessed, fought, apologized, learned, LOVED. it was tough to leave and for a few months i woke up debating if i made the right decision.
Tennessee just seemed liked it was going to be comfortable until i actually got here. in reality, everything had changed – life doesn’t stop just because one moves away for 3 years. everything is new: my job, my church, even some friends. i thought my life here would look much like it did 3 years ago but it is vastly different. however, when i say different i don’t mean different bad, i mean different good. God has put some of the most amazing people in my path over the last 5 months. He’s beginning to shape my community and it’s not the people i thought it would be. He is stretching me and growing me and i just didn’t think it could be this good.
home has a different meaning for me now than it did five years ago. it’s a fluid concept, not a location or a residence or one certain thing that you can wrap up nicely in a sentence. it’s people. it’s community. it’s Church in the global sense. it’s sitting around a table and sharing your life with someone. it’s celebrating birthdays, graduations, and holidays. it’s family, both blood-related and not. home can be anywhere, and it can be in more than one place.
(title song: from ‘no one really wins’ by copeland)
i asked some fellow bloggers to write about their concept of home, so click on these links to read more!
10-23-09
Blog Carnival (is that what it’s called? it is now!)
I just sent this email out, but in case I missed anyone who might want to participate, here ya go:
Hello [blogging] friends! I don’t know if you know this, but November is National Blog Posting Month, where you commit to posting once a day for a whole month. I’m pretty sure you can do this any month, but most bloggers I know do it in November. I attempted it last year (and failed) but i found that it was really good for me to write every day…soul-healing, even. Being the planner that I am, I have been trying to come up with great blog topics to write about, and I had this idea….
Over coffee one afternoon, Jamie and I had an idea to collectively write a book. Though this hasn’t come into fruition (yet!), we realized how many people we know who are fantastic writers. And today I had the idea that we could start sort of small…as in, one blog post, one day, all writing about the same thing.
Consider this email your official invitation to join us in writing about home. Interpret that however you want, say whatever you want…there are pretty much no limits to this. There are a few guidelines, because I need them and maybe you do too.
Guidelines:
1. Let me know if you’re going to join us by November 2. Just shoot me or Jamie an email so we have an idea of who’s in.
2. Each of our posts will go up November 9. That’s a Monday, a little over 2 weeks from today.
3. Within the posts (like at the bottom) we will link to each other. I will send you all an email with everyone’s blog so you can easily include it in your post.
4. If you commit but something comes up and you can’t write it, please let me know so I can take your blog off the list.
5. If you want to forward this email to other people, please feel free. I think it will be way fun to have more people who will offer perspective!
email me: spencertheduck AT gmail.com
or comment if you wanna join!