11-25-08
second chances
i skipped yesterday because i forgot.
I BLOGGED 23 DAYS IN A ROW AND I RUINED IT BECAUSE I FORGOT. WHO DOES THAT?
anyway, whatev, moving on….i’ve been busy. but i did get an email today and i wanted to share part of it, because it was so encouraging to read.
“….i feel like for most of my life, i’ve been fragmented. i’ve compartmentalized areas/times of my life into neat little boxes and kept them labeled (kinda like your gmail – haha), but by doing that, i’ve never really allowed myself to be whole. over the past few months, through God’s grace and healing, He’s been bringing all of those pieces together…allowing me to accept who i was and who i am, the good and the bad. restoring me. like….my life is a jigsaw puzzle, with some pieces here put together and another part over there and separately, they make various little images, glimpses of my life. but my Father is slowly sliding all of those pieces together into one complete picture. and everyday i get a glimpse of who i am in Christ…who i can be and who i will be.”
so many people around me have been feeling broken and fragmented. 2008 has been a hard year…but He is the great Healer and is putting us back together, piece by piece.
11-23-08
you are exactly my brand of heroin.
i can’t believe there’s only a week of november left and i’ve actually managed to post every day for 3 weeks. i have wanted to give up so many times, especially given that november has definitely be a crazy month, yet somehow i’ve managed to do it. and i guess i’m glad i have, because it’s also been a good month, filled with friends and family and laughter and love amongst the loss and grief.
anyway, onto my thoughts about the twilight movie:
- first and foremost, i thought it translated well. i saw it again last night with 3 people who hadn’t read the books and they loved it – which meant the plot flowed well enough that they could understand it
- i love robert pattinson and kristen stewart as edward and bella. i thought they were perfect. i love his facial expressions and she played the part of a klutz very well. i thought everyone was cast well except rosalie, and i’ll just have to get used to her.
- i wish the intensity between edward and bella had been played up more. but i still got tingles when they kissed
- i like how they set up the end for new moon and even eclipse, even if that part was written into the script (the part w/ victoria walking down the stairs)
- i LOVE alice (ashley greene) but where’s her story? i think the cullen’s stories are important and i don’t think they’re going to tell them. sad.
- jasper’s (jackson rathbourne’s) facial expressions crack me up
- i’m skeptical of jacob (taylor lautner). i want to love him the way i love jacob in the books. i don’t know if he can carry a whole movie.
- bella wears sweatpants – where were they?
- why did bella not cook for charlie?
- why does stephenie meyer think she needs to be in her own movie?
- LOVED the soundtrack – even more-so now after noticing the placement of the songs
- the graduation hats? hilarious.
i’m sure i’ll think of more and i’ll add them if i do…. of course the book is better than the movie. of course. but i still really enjoyed seeing my favorite book come to life and i CAN’T WAIT for new moon!
11-22-08
top ten reasons i love coming home:
1. spending a significant amt of time with my entire family.
2. i love to drive.
3. celebrating the life of my incredible grandfather!
4. rose (= my blackberry) and ruby (= el’s blackberry) got to meet for the first time
5. spending the day in nashville = sushi at pm and cupcakes at gigi’s!
6. seeing twilight twice for a fraction of the cost with some of my FAVORITE people
7. sleeping in my own bed
8. attending crosspoint
9. it doesn’t hurt wearing heels – the longest i have to walk is to the car 
10. target and chick fil a!
11-21-08
eulogy.
Survivors include his daughters, sons-in-law: Mike Warren and Donny Bratton; six wonderful grandchildren: Daniel Woodard, Kyle, Matthew, and Ruth Warren, and Elizabeth and Kathleen Duncan, and his sister, Agnes. He is preceded in death by Idalee Drake Adams and son-in-law, Eddie Graves.
Big Daddy, as he was affectionately known by his grandchildren, grew a beard every Christmas just because they loved to pretend he was Santa Claus. He always smelled the same, like cigarettes and Old Spice. Big Daddy loved well and with a fierceness like no other. He was always good for a ride through the back of the farm with six grandchildren and two sons – in – law bumping around in the bed of his red truck – always red. When they were younger, his favorite trick was to scare them buy popping his false teeth out of his mouth at them. He was a good father and an excellent grandfather.
A favored Big Daddy story took place when all three of his girls were very young. Big Daddy was in the hospital after being critically injured in a construction accident. When the doctor told him he had a blood clot traveling to his lungs and he might not make it through the night, Big Daddy stopped him. He looked the doctor in the eye and said, “I’m NOT dying tonight.” The doctor was stunned and a little flustered. Big Daddy then pulled out his wallet, showed the doctor a picture of his three children, and said, “You know why I’m not dying? These three reasons” as he pointed at the picture.
Big Daddy’s family is grateful they have many more stories to tell so that the memory of the incredible man they knew can live forever. He lived a life surrounded by people who love him deeply.
He is mighty to save.
He will take great delight in you,
He will quiet you with his love,
He will rejoice over you with singing.”
- Zephaniah 3:17
11-20-08
leaving on a jet plane; or how i almost missed my flight: a timeline
10:00am wed – book a flight home
1:00pm wed – call AA to change flight, talk to nicest person ever who waves $150 fee
5:45pm – leave work
7:00pm – start packing
9:00pm – head to bed
wake up at 1:45am, 2:45am, 3:45am, and 4:45am
5:45am – alarm finally goes off
6:35am – pray on the way downstairs that i can find a cab — He sends 4 just in case I miss one
7:00am – arrive LGA and get boarding pass – glance at it quickly, head to gate D5
7:10am – get to gate
7:15-8:00am – Wait wait wait read People listen to Beyonce wait annoyed
8:15am – why haven’t we boarded yet? Flight in 15 mins
8:17am stop listening to Beyonce long enough to hear the plane at the gate where I’m sitting is going to MIAMI
8:18am annoyed at the miami plane – why can’t they get their own gate?
8:20am glance at boarding pass and realize i’m AT THE WRONG GATE
8:20am wrong gate!!!!!! THEY’RE GOING TO LEAVE ME
8:20am hightail it to gate D3
8:21am gate attendant tells me they’ve been paging me. Paging me! I’m the girl who got paged! and if I hadn’t listened to single ladies on repeat I might have heard my name on the LOUDSPEAKER!
8:22am board plane; everyone is staring at me
8:23am want to announce that am not late, actually very early. I blame Beyonce.
8:25am still can’t find spot for bag – overhead compartments full. wait for flight attendant.
8:26am man behind me keeps giving me the “you’re irresponsible” look
8:26am flight attendant’s very nice, do they know why I’m going home or are they just nice?
8:27am find spot for bag
8:28am lug bag to overhead compartment… accidentally hit man with dirty look on head
8:28am want to tell him karma sucks, keep dirty looks to self but instead smile and apologize politely like a good southern girl
8:29am buckle up
8:30am plane takes off
11-19-08
Big Daddy
my grandfather is dying. i don’t know how else to put it to make it sound better or more poetic or flowery or nice, because it’s true. he’s dying.
he’s been getting progressively worse for a few weeks and we’re not sure why he’s still here – he should be gone by now. last night the nurse asked my aunt if there was any child or grandchild he hadn’t talked to yet, because there’s a reason he’s hanging on. and sherrie told her there was one (me) and the nurse told her i needed to talk to him.
so my mom called me this morning and told me she would call me when she got to his room. i had a couple of hours before then, so in true elizabeth fashion i wrote a post it note of all things i wanted to say to him. i mean, it could be – probably would be – the last time i talked to him this side of eternity.
what do you say to the man who has the most generous spirit of anyone you’ve ever known? how can you tell him he is a wonderful grandfather? that he raised three amazing children and six incredible grandchildren? that he’s forgiven and i can’t wait to see him again one day? that i’m sorry he will never meet my husband, or get to be a great-grandfather? that I love him?
i think it’s okay that i couldn’t read my list – i know that he heard everything i was trying to say.
in the end, all that really matters is that we know we are loved.
***UPDATE 11/22/2008
My grandfather died on 11/20/2008. My family asked me to read this blog post at his graveside service. It was an honor.
11-18-08
into the maze…enter the medicine handed down
yesterday, Anne mentioned her struggle with depression and it struck a chord with me.
i can talk about my depression but it’s harder to write about it. i’m not sure why, but i feel more exposed this way i guess. and i prefer to not bare my soul in such a public forum…………………………………but on the other hand, reading blogs — blogs of Christians, even –of people who struggle with this helped me a lot when i first started taking meds. so, here i am, talking about my depression on my blog. um, where do i start?
looking back, i think i’ve struggled with depression since high school, but not to the extent i do now. and i combated it by staying busy. i don’t think i slowed down from my freshman year of high school until i graduated college. i do know that for those 9 years i hated being alone, hated staying at home by myself, and if i didn’t have any plans i made some.
but after college and China and teaching 8th grade and moving to New York, my life did slow down.
When I moved to New York, I didn’t really have any friends and I didn’t like my job and I wasn’t involved in my church and I wasn’t sleeping and life wasn’t fun anymore. i went to the doctor for something seemingly unrelated, and when i told her all of this she put me on Zoloft. And i felt bad for taking it, like i wasn’t praying hard enough or my relationship with God wasn’t what it should have been and i probably didn’t need meds. but one day in my blog readings i came across someone who struggled with depression and struggled with taking meds (can’t remember whose blog it was now). and after reading the comments, i realized that if i had diabetes, i would take meds. if i had cancer, i would get help. there is something wrong with my brain, and it can be helped with medication. why wouldn’t i take it?
i stayed on zoloft until april, when things miraculously got better – i made some friends, i quit my job, and life was fun again. i thought that it was just my circumstances making me miserable. but this past january i started feeling sluggish, sad, not sleeping, wanting to stay in my bed all the time….and i realized though my circumstances had completely changed, i still felt the same and at the same time i did the year before. that’s when i realized i probably had seasonal affective disorder, and went back to the doctor. she confirmed my suspicions, and also did a blood test which showed that i have an extreme vitamin D deficiency, which probably plays a role in the SAD (ironic, yes?!)
in my research i found that SAD (haha) begins, for most people, when the time changes. so this year, i went ahead and got a prescription for meds last week and have officially been on them for 5 days.
one of the commenters at flowerdust said, “having faith doesn’t make it disappear but it does make it different…different enough to step up and admit it, deal with it, talk about it, share with others…”
in the past, my thinking was skewed – my relationship with God allows me to talk about things, to admit them, to tell my roommates and other friends. more than that, my faith allows me to accept my struggle and share it with you in hopes that somehow it can help you either understand depression a little better or maybe compel you to get help if you need it.
For You are my lamp, O LORD; And the LORD illumines my darkness
- 2 Samuel 22:29
11-17-08
middle level coordinator slash mom
i haven’t written a correspondence tuesday for my mom. i haven’t forgotten about her, but the truth is, the way i feel about my mother is so hard to put into words that the thought of sitting down and writing about it is overwhelming.
mom and i are different but we definitely have our similarities. upon meeting her, many people will call me and say, “i met your mom the other day…now i understand you.” what they don’t know is that i wish i was half the person my mom is.
while i want to change the world and am willing to travel to far away places to do so, my mom wants to change the world by changing the people she sees right in front of her. and she doesn’t do so by force, or by manipulation, or by coercion. she simply holds up a mirror so maybe you’ll happen to catch a glimpse of the person she sees – and she always sees the best.
having lived with my mom for twenty-something years, i can tell you this:
every word is true.
she is not a different person at home than she was in the classroom, and she is not a different person now that she works more with teachers than with students.
in the article, linda referrs to great teachers when she says, “…they began our dreams. Believed in us. Tugged, pushed, and led us to the next plateau of our lives…”
luckily, the same can be said about my mother, who happens to also be a great teacher –
she began my dreams.
she believed in me.
she tugged, pushed, and led me to the next plateau of my life.
11-16-08
single ladies SNL style
living in new york city, i love movies and tv shows and songs about this city more than the average person…it’s just neat to watch a movie and be able to point out the flaws (like when they try to pretend they’re on the upper west when they’re really in tribeca, etc) or remember why you love this city in the first place or hear a song that explains exactly how it feels to live here. it’s a totally different feeling when you actually do live here.
on that note, i didn’t really appreciate saturday night live until i moved to new york. i guess it’s because i didn’t understand the humor when i was younger – the pop culture and new york city references just didn’t mean anything to me. and now i live with two avid fans of the show – one whom i’m convinced will actually be on SNL one day, and the other quotes it often. So I end up watching most episodes.
all that to say, this skit from last night’s show is one of the funniest i’ve ever seen:
11-14-08
day 14…and i’ve got nothin’
things i want to write about but can’t get past the first two sentences:
- our trip to Africa. we leave in 6 weeks. What???
- the six shots i got for said trip to Africa — five in one day! i’m hardcore.
- the gross new york weather and how it makes me feel (ugh)
- the amount of money i have spent on cabs lately because of the gross weather and how i also seem to be running late a lot these days
- the fact that i’m in my bed at 8:30 on friday night. i’m tired. obvi.
- my grandfather
- how excited i am that i have company coming next weekend
- the twilight movies (that’s right, i said movies PLURAL!)
- how much i love my blackberry. her name is rose.
real post tomorrow instead of a lame list, which will require that i get out of bed and do something worth writing about. here’s to hoping!