01-25-10
the reason we sing
A question was posed on twitter:
I don’t think Lane was being combative. I think he was simply asking why we do what we do. When tragedy strikes, why do we come together and sing? Why benefits? Why do we do something so beautiful when life, for some people, has changed drastically? Doesn’t it seem kind of….wrong?
I think singing as a result of disaster is a beautiful thing.
Any time something good comes out of something terrible is a reminder that beauty from ashes is possible.
This guy said it best: “It’s miraculous sometimes what comes out when life squeezes us.”
In disaster, in tragedy, some of us do nothing. Some of us become numb. Some of us feel helpless. Some of us focus on the negative and try to tear down anyone trying to do the right thing.
But some of us give money. Some of us go and help physically. Some of us watch telethons and hope to talk to a celebrity when we call to give money. We create and donate the proceeds. Some of us sing, and some of us pay money to go hear people sing. We desire use our talents for good. [And for the record - one of my talents = ministry shopping, as I got to do Saturday night for my church 
]
Giving, creating, singing, shopping – whatever the case may be – in times of crisis, some of us try to do our best to help in whatever way we can. I think that’s how it should be.
12-11-09
am i bright enough to shine in your spaces?
Oh, Christmas.
Over 5 years ago, something began to stir in my heart – This has to change.
I was left after a holiday season feeling empty and depressed and tired…just tired.
It wasn’t necessarily a one time revelation for me that Christmas needed to be something different than commercialism and materialism and busyness. Instead, it was a slow realization that I can only truly appreciate the birth of my Savior when I am giving more than I receive.
Giving more than I receive means something more than giving other people more expensive gifts than they got you, or giving people gifts when they got you nothing. It even means more throwing money in a bucket. I heard Donald Miller speak once and what he said resonated:
there is a difference between raising awareness [and money] & actually doing the work. Raising awareness and money is kindness without the messiness of humanity.
Not that raising money and awareness are bad – they are definitely great things and have their place in social justice. But they’re easy. And I want to do more….I want to see the messiness of humanity.
Four of my past five Christmases (is that even the plural? Christmi?) have been spent out of the country. If you want to keep the purpose of celebrating Christmas at the forefront of your mind, I highly recommend doing something like this. You don’t even have to leave the country – trust me, there are families in your city who don’t have toothbrushes.
I guess the purpose of this blog post, really, is two-fold:
1. It can be different. YOU can change things. You can’t save everyone, but you can help one person.
2. God has surrounded me with some freaking amazing people. People who want to change the world. People whose hearts break for orphans and widows, for those living in poverty, for those without basic needs. For example:
+ My friends from the Gallery Church are in Vietnam to share the gospel through the story of Christmas. My good friend and ex-roommate Rachel is going with (her first trip overseas!), and you can follow that story here.
+ My good friend and ex-roommate Susan is going to Moldova to hang out with and love on some orphans….Help her provide shoes for some orphans!
+ My sister (who would not like it if she knew I was writing about this, but I wanted to share how awesome I think she is) works at a middle school and there is one kid who has nothing. So she buys him clothes, school supplies, and brings him snacks every day. Somehow she got a copy of his Christmas list and he wanted a toothbrush and toothpaste. He’s in the 6th grade. He had to put toothbrush and toothpaste on his Christmas list. Of course she went ahead and bought it for him and gave it to him already, but he didn’t have a toothbrush and toothpaste (which brings me to tears every time I think about it).
+ My friends and I have recently become involved in a ministry called Front Porch Ministry. We adopted a family through their Family-to-Family program. They have the families in their area (inner city Nashville) sign up for the program by agreeing to volunteer for other events within the ministry. Then they pair the family with another family, a small group, a Sunday school class, etc. who wants to provide Christmas for them.
I LOVE the way they do it – first of all, they show the inner city family that nothing is free and we are not a government program…someone is paying for their gifts. And then they have to volunteer or serve in some way in order to receive the gifts for their children. Second, we have to become involved with the family in some way. We don’t just give money to the single mother to go shopping for her kids – we meet with her, get to know her, and take her shopping to pick out the gifts. This is good for everyone involved because it allows us to put names with faces and learn from each other.
+ Also, I love this site. Great idea!
(title song: from ‘all the right moves’ by onerepublic)
10-20-09
How much love would make you whole?
I’d never thought of myself as someone with ‘trust issues’ until I moved to New York. Maybe I always had them and didn’t realize it, but more likely it was that I hadn’t had to make that choice. I naturally trusted my family and friends in Tennessee, but when I moved and started afresh it was a decision I had to make.
i wrote these words on the wall of my first apartment: you have to trust someone in order to follow them. i was having a hard time believing that anyone in that whole city was for me (as opposed to against). I felt like I had no one. No one who knew me, the real me at least. These things take time. 6 months, for me…longer, for some.
i had a lot of thoughts on what leadership is, and hospitality, and how that plays out in a city such as New York. It got better. We got better at it. we might even be good at it now, because we’ve all been alone and we don’t want anyone to feel that way so we ask new people to lunch and we invite them to our growth communities and we encourage them not to leave, to give New York a chance, to plant themselves there for a while because it really can be good, if you let it.
it took awhile before there were people to be that for me, but in that alone [lonely] 6 months God taught me about community and what it meant and how to create it and grow it and learn to need it and even trust it. even when it’s hard, like one night when you have to sit down and tell your community that you’re dealing with the hardest struggle you’ve ever faced and you have to confess and tell them details and ask for help and prayers. and now we’re all better and stronger because of that night, and i would not change it. it’s hard to need somebody, but i needed them. need them, present tense.
I learned that trust is a choice. i learned that with a growing faith, the choice to trust someone gets even more difficult. Trusting someone doesn’t mean that we won’t be let down – rest assured we will – but we do it anyway, because we need each other. and no one is perfect.
Recently God has gifted me with new people, a new church, a job i completely love, and a new community. A different kind of community, because I don’t live in close proximity with most of these people. But a community in the sense that they know me, they are for me, they encourage me, and in turn i am learning to trust them.
This past weekend I was surrounded by people from New York and people from Tennessee. we were laughing and eating cake and the conversation was so good and everything just felt like it was in the right place. it was one of those ‘clarity’ moments in my life — the choice to trust means i get to love and be loved. and if trust means risk, i’m risking it all because it’s totally worth it.
07-03-09
commitment
i’m not so great at commitment. yeah, i admit that. my downfall is not that i’m afraid that something better will come along. it’s that i’m scared to make the wrong decision. i’m afraid of regret. i’m afraid that i’ll look back and wish that i had chosen differently. my fear is that i will miss my chance (for what i’m not sure…just my chance).
i’ve been in New York for the past week to help my church with City Uprising. knowing i was coming back helped take the sting out of leaving and made it not seem so final, but i think part of me was worried that i would get here and want to move back immediately.
being there this past week was so good for me – to view the city from a fresh perspective, to spend time with my people, and to be a part of my church again. but it has also affirmed that my decision to leave was the right one.
with this decision, however, comes responsibility. it comes with a commitment to another place. to different people. to another church.
with this decision also comes loss.
and this is what keeps me up at night:
it’s not that i made the wrong decision…it’s that i’m not sure what to do with the right one.
06-30-09
and I will bring praise
i get the question a lot these days: what church do you attend in Tennessee?
i have no good answer.
the truth is—well, i’ve been to several.
but what is church, exactly?
a giant production?
a building you can see for blocks?
a tradition?
me?
yes.
i am the church
and nothing speaks to this heart more
than two of my [former?] pastors
sitting down with me at dinner
[because here there are no barriers between the pulpit and the congregation]
asking: how’s your day? what’s the problem? how can i address it?
and not just asking.
but listening. REALLY listening.
02-21-09
beautiful
she likes attention. she wants everyone to know she has arrived and causes a commotion as the door to the nail salon swings wide open.
she rolls in slowly with the help of her assistant. she’s wearing fur, of course, and tons of jewelry. her face is streaked with too-bright makeup: heavy blush (though she might call it ‘rouge’), eyebrows drawn on, lipstick over-lining her lips and dripping into the deep-set wrinkles around her mouth.
she has just had her hair done, and it resembles a style from the 40′s. she loves the lavender tulips in a jar by the counter and comments on them more than once.
she is 96 years old. she loves fashion. she is a former model – “i used to be tall!” she says. she’s been watching fashion week on television, remembering the old days before “fashion died.”
she is beautiful.
i watch in fascination as you engage her in conversation without hesitation. you ask her questions and really listen to her answers. you make eye contact. you treat her gently, like a friend, like someone you truly want to know.
you tell her you love her hair. you respond to her declaration that she used to model with a genuine, “i can tell!” you agree with her that the tulips are an exquisite shade of lavender.
you have ‘love’ tattooed on the inside of your wrist as if you need a reminder. in this moment, you don’t care what is easy for you, you only care about her comfort. You aren’t concerned with your own agenda, or your own time – instead, you are attentive to her needs.
you are beautiful.
09-07-08
the Church
i’m a big fan of the Church (please note the capital “C”). Being part of a church plant in new york city is not always easy, especially coming from a 2,000+ member church in Tennessee. the Church is not a place, not a building, but it is a people. it is a community. the best way to build community is to serve beside one another.
this morning i had the opportunity to serve on the host team. one staff member and i made a grocery store run and bought ice and coffee creamer. following the morning service, i helped tear down the greeting area and wheeled one of the bins outside to load into the truck with the help of our associate pastor. after that, along with our pastor, i pitched in to help with the children’s area, packing gym mats and boppy pillows and other multicolored objects.
one of the best parts of being part of a church plant is realizing that i am the Church. another one of the best parts is that our staff realizes that they, too, are the Church. they are leading well by helping in any way they can, even if that means getting their hands dirty. true leadership is not expecting volunteers to do anything you wouldn’t do yourself.
Church staff and pastors: people are watching. lead well.